eternalnoob.net

Some people don’t know this guy…Listen to him immediately. Let me help:



He came to park city last week and I missed him…I don’t plan on making that mistake twice, I’ll walk a hundred miles next time.

~bm4n

Humans are dumb.

Last episode of Tim Burton’s the World of Stainboy…I hope you enjoyed it

bm4n out

I just got off the first leg of my trip home for Christmas (NOT the “Holidays”) and let me just say this: The Illusionist (with Edward Norton and Jessica Biel) is a two hour suckfest. This movie has some of the most poorly written dialogue and narration I have ever heard in my entire movie viewing career. Add this to the most gosh-awful scene transitions since Star Wars (which I’m pretty sure does it intentionally). The movie starts out in the “present” with a police inspector in the office of a government official (who we later find out to be the friggin’ prince). The official asks him something along the lines of “Why are you here, what do you know?” To which the inspector responds “Well we know a lot. We even know a lot about his childhood. Let me break away from our intense discussion to give you a 1.5 hour description of what you have lived through for the past couple weeks.” The screen circles into the transition. I barf. I must say, however, I do like Edward Norton and did finish this trash they call a movie. In the end of the movie they have a rather bizarre “twist.” In the beginning of the movie we see two childhood friends who are torn apart and forbidden to see each other. One’s a furniture maker/Illusionist extraordinaire and the ohter’s a freakin’ dutchess. Tear. So they have a little two month thing and *gasp* she kisses him on the cheek! But if you need even more 11 year-old on 11 year-old action, he kisses her back…ON THE LIPS! Its obviously true love. So he, unable to live without his ONE friend, travels the world (he’s still 11, right?) and learns to make Illusions. Long story short he becomes a pro and comes to Vienna (I think? Whats important is that wherever he ends up is where he grew up, brilliant!) where he meets the dutchess again by chance. She doesn’t reckognize him at first but by recalling a line said TWICE in slow-motion from 30 years ago she knows its him. Wait, what was that line? That line so touching she remembered it from the hundreds of conversations they likely had together? Oh yeah, it was: “Maybe I can make you disapear.” WOW. Hits you like a train, eh? So a couple scenes and some pre-marrital sex later we have true love. They decide to run (Oh yeah, she was dating the Prince who happened to be a corrupt and abusive A-hole) away together and live happily ever after. What happens is that the girl is stabbed by the Prince (when he finds out what happens; isn’t that what any self-respecting Prince would do?) and Norton gets all depressed. He spends months alone in his house, mourning. After that time period he buys a theater and starts a new show where he “communicates with the other side.” He conjurs up ghosts and junk and the audience gets to interview them (by way of random shouting) for about 8-12 seconds before they disapear. At which point he looks all tired, walks off stage, and takes a bath in the piles of money he’s making off these suckers. So the law is after Norton as a scammer because he is “pretending” to comunicate with the dead but he gets them off his back by claiming he never said it wasn’t an illusion…Brilliant! He conjurs of the dutchess one day and she raises questions abou her murder and generally makes the Prince look bad. Norton is warned not to conjur her again but we know he’s cooler than that, right? So the next day he does it again and the Inspector comes to arreset him and *GASP* he’s a conjurred thingy! They can put their hands right through him! At this point the inspector decides to actually listen to what Norton had been saying for the past two hours (or couple months, depending on weather you are viewing this or living it) and finds the Prince is guilty. Shocker. So he does a ridiculously thorough investigiation in aobut 1 toucing song’s length and then goes to arrest the Prince…Wait, he doesn’t have authority over the Prince! Oh but he wrote letters and Oh, isn’t that them knocking on the door now? As you can imagine guns (or rather, a gun) are drawn and pointed and ultimately the Prince commits suicide. Sweet. Next we see the (now fired) inspector walking down the street when a little boy delivers him an envelope which has a diary of all the tricks the illusionist used (oh yeah, the inspector was a huge fan: how tragic) at which point the inspectore notices a strange man walking down the street. A rather uneventful and boring low-speed chase ensues with the chasee getting on his train, apparently unaware that he was being chased. This is where it gets good, please, PLEASE, dear reader make sure you are sitting for what you are about to read. While standing in the train station (this devil can multi-task!) the inspector proceeds to remember some key events in his interactions with the illusionist which pieces together one of the most ridiculuous twists I hve ever seen in a movie. Lucky for him the random clues make perfect sense and clearly point to what happened. Oh by the way, the twist is that the “quick escape” we thought the love birds had been planning was actually this entire movie. Apparently it worked best for a “quick escape” if the girl would fake her death for a couple of months while Norton mourned, set up a new theater, developed a following, framed the Prince, and then got into another scandal before dispaeraing. Duh! Needless to say I have spent blocks of time in my life a bit more useful before: Watching paint dry and bashing my head against concrete, off the top of my head. To sum up this movie I can honestly say it blew my mind…No, wait, it just blew. So now that that is off my chest I can go on with this blog. Which, by the way, I am writing in notepad in JFK airport without internet connection.

Speaking of no internet connection, my computer just told me that My Wireless Connection is now connected…To the BYU network. Thats quite a feat for WIFI, 2500 miles…Oh well, I guess my computer is on crack (but what else is new?).

I think I had more ideas for this post kicking around in my head but all I can think of now is how tired I am and how much I want more Walker’s shortbread after having been teased by Delta with a single cookie.

World of Stainboy episode 5: Enjoy it, theres only one left!
Merry Christmas
Braxton

Ehh happy birthda, and ik picked up a piece of frosting off her cake and stuck it in hter face! she must have thought i was ian idiot but we started dating after htat..seh was an x0-ray radiologits, you know she took pics of xrays an dpassed em off to the radioolgisit. she uhh ahse had 2 kids a son in the army and a daugheter who had bounce, 16? as the long ride staied with her and got to know her i realizedi wasid wall, u no my adughter and i are really tight i borught my dautgher to my parntest and my daughetr took a liking to hte other ladies daughter, cuz she was kind a whild, interested in this black goth stuff and i was liek you know i can’t do this stuff. finally i borked it fof i said your fdaughter, we had, i geuss we had a cnadle under nethat the microware where she keptehd her bottles of liquro and i went in one tinight to get some bourbona dn the bottle was real down and

^excerpt of what the guy in the airport behind me was saying to his friend. It was an interesting story and a fun way to test my typing skills, or lack thereof. You make up where the story came from and where its going.

OMYGOSH MY SERVER IS BACK UP! Wow, I was getting pretty antsy for a bit there (who says antsy?). Long story short I lost my cpanel license (/cry) and so I didn’t know how much bandwidth stuff was taking…at the same time I had a publicly available folder that was taking about 30 MB/S. That’s a lot. Enough to slow down a GIGABIT connection. Needless to say I was “temporarily shutdown” but it took a while to get back up. The worst part was that it was down while the most RIDICULOUS things were happening. I mean, all kinds of crap that I may or may not ever post…Plus I did have one post that I wrote at the airport which will come up after this. So uhh…Yep, I’m back online and after I proofread this post I will have alerted the only regular reader (me) and the mission for this post will be complete. This post will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

And here’s the next World of Stainboy“>World of Stainboy ep (4).

bm4n